4/8/2022 I’m so sorry I got it wrong.That got your attention, didn't it? Because it means such a lot to us. Saying sorry within negotiations and mediations can be the start of a healing process, and the beginning of a discussion that leads to a settlement of the issue at hand. And it’s really very powerful stuff.
These days saying sorry is hard wired into medical practice, there is even legislation that says an apology if not an admission of negligence, but I remember mediations in the 1990s where the Doctor saying sorry was revolutionary in it being said, and its impact on the subsequent discussions. Patients often said they’d waited years to hear those words. The key to a good apology is that it sincerely shows that person feels remorse over their actions, and acknowledges the hurt that those actions caused to someone else. That’s why, although such statements may have their place, “I’m sorry that you feel that way,” and “I’m sorry if you took offence” might not cut the mustard when it comes to a proper apology. As a mediator I will talk with the parties about whether an apology might move things forward. There’s usually a lot of resistance. ‘Why should I say sorry to them?’ or ‘Only if they say it first!’ They’ll feel they’ll lose all of their bargaining position, that they will be the ones to blame for the whole conflict and the ones that will end up carrying the burden of the settlement. But it’s rarely the case. Given the massive social currency of saying sorry, it can lead to reciprocal actions; an apology in return, or a movement within the negotiations. And even if the apology is not accepted it can release the person saying sorry from the guilt they feel. It can even grant them a massive advantage within negotiations; they are the one that has taken the really big step. If said early enough, saying sorry can save years of dispute and litigation. But, conversely, it’s rarely ever too late to say it. Comments are closed.
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AuthorRichard Marshall is an Accredited Civil and Commercial Mediator with over 25 years experience as a Litigation Solicitor, as well as being a qualified Solicitor-Advocate. He is the founder of Striving to Settle, through which he works as a mediator and provides negotiation training. www.strivingtosettle.co.uk Archives
August 2022
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