30/6/2022 Get out of your Bias Blind Spot !!!There are numerous cogitative biases; assumptions and presumptions that our brains make that can tilt the way we view reality.
The bias blind spot is where we can objectively recognise those biases in others, but fail to see those in ourselves. Rather like the blind spot on the passenger side of a car, we’re not aware of it unless we do something to change our perspective. Research in America showed that 85% of participants in a survey thought they were less biased than the ‘Average American’. In fact only one participant thought they were more more biased. (Similarly, and in line with the analogy of a blind spot when driving, when asked if they were better than the average driver, 93% of American respondents ranked themselves above average). 24/6/2022 "Hope is optimism with a plan"I heard this in a podcast recently and it stopped me in my tracks. I rewound to listen to it again.
Now a lot of how much truth is in this statement depends on how you define hope and optimism, but the essence is that you need more than just a sunny disposition, and thinking it will all come right in the end. This chimed with me as a mediator, because especially in litigation you need a lot more than optimism about the available options if you are going to turn down the opportunity for a settlement. How often I've heard parties pull out blind optimism as their back-up plan if mediation fails to find a settlement. "The judge will see through him" (why? They will have a few hours at most listening to him being cross examined. It took you 15 years in partnership to see him as you do now) "Our expert will be believed" (why? Both experts have put forward compelling conclusions in their reports, the Judge might believe either, or find some middle ground) "He'll never take this to trial" (why? He’s already taken it this far, and you always swore blind he'd drop it before now.) And on and on the narrative goes. Often part of the journey for parties in a mediation is realising optimism isn’t enough. Three hours to get to a settlement is tight at the best of times, and I was getting nervous as we were arranging the mediation as one of the parties seemed fragile. I was concerned.
But I wasn't expecting the descent into a total emotional meltdown. The swearing, the statements that this had ruined their life, that their life was no longer worth living. And it went on and on. My heart went out to them. Every statement they gave was another reason to settle this matter and start to move on. But at which point did I have a responsibility to say that they were in no real state to make a decision with regard to settlement? 23/6/2022 Its a Shocker !!Put your hand on the table, touch the cables, I’ll turn the power on and you know you’re gonna get a shock but you’ll feel better for the certainty.
Researchers love electrocuting their subjects, There have been so many psychological experiments which literally involve shocking the participants. Think of Milgrim’s famous obedience experiment where someone in a white coat prompts the subject into ‘killing’ another subject by continually turning up the electricity every time they give a wrong answer. It seems when you want to know more about the human mind, researchers use electricity as a prop. More recent research has shown we hate uncertainty, so much so that we’re happier if we know we'll be electrocuted than have any uncertainty about it. 23/6/2022 True Cultural Disconnect“A thug might think twice about kicking in your gate, throwing traffic cones around your street or hurling abuse into the night sky if they thought they might get picked up by the police, taken to a cashpoint and asked to pay on the spot fine of, for example, £100 “
So said Tony Blair in 2000 when he announced a new big idea for dealing with anti-social behaviour Embodied in his words, and his proposed policy, is a prime example of Cultural Disconnect. The assumptions are legion. 23/6/2022 What's in someone saying a Name?If it’s supposed to be good, why does it jar so much?
I recently read a Dale Carnegie quote (he of ‘Making Friends and Influencing People’ fame) “A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” I have read that if you want to connect with someone you should use their name frequently. Repeating their name in every situation, I am told, helps you to remember it. Also there is lots of advice that using a person’s name is the fastest and most reliable way of building rapport and creating a good first impression. It’s so powerful that some organisations insist on it: apparently at the Four Seasons hotel chain, staff are supposed to use your name 3 times in each transaction. So why does it jar so much with me when people do it? 23/6/2022 Give a Little, Get a Lot?McDonalds is a worldwide success - its restaurants sell a totally amazing 2.36 billion burgers every year.
And, given the amount of footfall the restaurants get, they have become a familiar place for psychological research. I was recently listening to a podcast which described some of the research centred on reciprocity. In one piece of research, families arriving at McDonalds were given a balloon for each of their children, in another instance, families were given a balloon as they left. 23/6/2022 Smile and the World Smiles with YouJust heard that research has found that if you have your phone with you, even if you are not using it, you smile 30% less.
Wow !! When you smile, your brain releases tiny molecules called neuropeptides that fight off stress. Your brain also produces dopamine and serotonin, which can boost your mood. And as our brains automatically notice and interpret other people's facial expressions, and often mimics them, smiles are truly contagious. So they make everyone feel better. That's a very good reason for us not to have our phones anywhere near us when we have difficult conversations, or we are trying to settle a dispute. The act of smiling may well help to defuse the situation, make a connection, gain trust. Another good reason why I never have my phone anywhere near me in mediations. I want to make sure I am smiling as much as possible. Building rapport, making people smile. All helping build the right environment to reach a settlement. So today, if you are meeting someone, want to boost other people's moods, or just your own, try leaving your phone behind, or at the very least, out of sight. So you’ve seen the photo before you. Did you think the dress was white and gold, or blue and black?
How did you feel when friends, family and colleagues saw a different colour? It was infuriating, wasn’t it? You were convinced of the colour of the dress, other people explicitly said it was a different colour. What we're looking at is a Bistable Image. And our brains warp reality to deal with it. |
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AuthorRichard Marshall is an Accredited Civil and Commercial Mediator with over 25 years experience as a Litigation Solicitor, as well as being a qualified Solicitor-Advocate. He is the founder of Striving to Settle, through which he works as a mediator and provides negotiation training. www.strivingtosettle.co.uk Archives
August 2022
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