23/6/2022 What's in someone saying a Name?If it’s supposed to be good, why does it jar so much? I recently read a Dale Carnegie quote (he of ‘Making Friends and Influencing People’ fame) “A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” I have read that if you want to connect with someone you should use their name frequently. Repeating their name in every situation, I am told, helps you to remember it. Also there is lots of advice that using a person’s name is the fastest and most reliable way of building rapport and creating a good first impression. It’s so powerful that some organisations insist on it: apparently at the Four Seasons hotel chain, staff are supposed to use your name 3 times in each transaction. So why does it jar so much with me when people do it? And not just me. This is from a quick search online: “I've heard that people love the sound of their own name. I personally hate it when it's clear someone is talking to me (we're the only two in the conversation, on the phone, text, etc) and they use my name. It sounds like I'm in trouble or losing focus, like they've got to get me to pay attention again. “ “Personally I don't really use people's name unless I want their attention” “It feels like they are trying to manipulate me or the conversation somehow.” And I think that last comment rings true with me; if I’m noticing it, then it is making me feel like the person is doing it deliberately and with intent. And every time they do it, it immediately takes my attention away from what we’re discussing, from the conversation. This is a great example of one size does not fit all. What works to build rapport with one person certainly doesn’t work with everyone. It’s why I’m a great believer that whilst mediation training teaches you the way to best approach and conduct a mediation, and you can read and learn lots of skills that will make you a better mediator, the real basics for mediation is life experience. The better you know and like people, the better you will be able to build rapport with a person, not due to any tricks that you learnt in a book, but because you genuinely like people. Showing a genuine interest, showing people that you like them, will allow you to then discuss the subject matter in a way that allows you to find their real interests, find a way forward that helps to protect or further those interests, and then allow them to solve the dispute. For me, that’s what mediation is all about, certainly not just using a ‘tried and tested’ method of winning friends and influencing people. Anyone else feel the same? Do you like it when someone constantly uses your name in conversation? Comments are closed.
|
Subscribe (below) to our free Newsletter for Negotiation Tips, Tricks and Training
AuthorRichard Marshall is an Accredited Civil and Commercial Mediator with over 25 years experience as a Litigation Solicitor, as well as being a qualified Solicitor-Advocate. He is the founder of Striving to Settle, through which he works as a mediator and provides negotiation training. www.strivingtosettle.co.uk Archives
August 2022
|
Your subscription could not be saved. Please try again.
Your subscription has been successful.