As a mediator, I use reframing to re-word or re-state what the client has said in a more constructive manner. Some people call it a linguistic tool, but I think of it more as 'mind over matter'; the act of reframing, a change in perception, can allow a person to have power over events and feelings. And we can apply it throughout our lives. My dad died in 2008, prior to retirement, at what was a relatively young age. The close family put together songs for his funeral. I chose Take It Easy by the Eagles, due to a very vivid memory of him.
That memory is of a wonderfully sunny day in the mid-80s, my dad was driving him and me home from work (I was still at school but I'd work with him on a Saturday and in the holidays) flying along a deserted A13, the windows and sunroof open, the radio very loud, when the song came on. Just before the second verse my dad said to me, as he turned it up even louder, ‘these are the best lyrics ever written’ and, as this was from a man not used to over-exaggeration or hyperbole, I believed him. I still do. "Well, I'm a standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona Such a fine sight to see It's a girl, my Lord, in a flat-bed Ford Slowin' down to take a look at me" And we both sang our lungs out - that memory makes me think of the happy times, and I tell myself the tears I cry when I think of it are ones of joy, even if, due to its association with his funeral and his death, they are still ones of grief and loss. But I recently reframed the song, I fell in love again with the memory, what the lyrics meant to my Dad, a man always captivated with old school American cars, the imagery of the States, even though he never went. In the late 50s, when he'd been 13 or 14, about the age I was when he drove us home that day, he used to tour the American air bases of Norfolk and Suffolk selling the yanks Encyclopaedia Americana, "So" my dad would say "when you get home and start to raise a family of your own you'll be able to give them an education", giving them the spiel whilst he admired their cars, their accents, their attitude to life. A couple of years ago I started playing guitar in a band, and the song has now had its full rebirth. We play the song and, although my singing voice is anything but great, when it comes to that second verse, I belt it out, like all those years ago in the car with my dad, and the happy memories flow back again. You reframe - you take back control Comments are closed.
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AuthorRichard Marshall is an Accredited Civil and Commercial Mediator with over 25 years experience as a Litigation Solicitor, as well as being a qualified Solicitor-Advocate. He is the founder of Striving to Settle, through which he works as a mediator and provides negotiation training. www.strivingtosettle.co.uk Archives
August 2022
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