3/2/2022 I'M SO ANGRY I COULD...... lose it? I mean really lose it. And then what? Shout? Scream? Kick a table? Throw a chair? Where does my anger start and stop? This thought was prompted by an interview with Daniel Kahneman, the Nobel prize winning psychologist, someone who I admire hugely, when he was asked about how to deal with a lowball offer His response took me by surprise. Here is a very measured, quietly spoken man who relies on well thought through argument and research. Yet his suggestion was to get angry, to really lose it, to make it clear that this was a ridiculous offer and to tell them you will not stand for it. Negotiation strategy is full of nuances. There is so much to discuss and think about that relates to the softer side of human thinking: building rapport, starting a dialogue, asking questions, showing empathy. So to what extent does anger have its place at the negotiating table? Canadian research showed that people who showed actual anger in negotiations seem to have less demands placed upon them by the other side within the negotiation than someone with a neutral outlook. The same research, though, showed that those who faked anger came out with a poorer result within the negotiation, possibly because the faked emotion produced a lack of trust between the parties. However in the longer term neither scenario might work quite so well. Follow-on research showed that those who had used anger in negotiations, whether genuine or fake, accrued less goodwill, and in future negotiations often found the other side covertly retaliated. The lesson from the research is that fake anger, if it’s spotted, is going to get less of a result, and whether it’s genuine or fake, it does nothing to promote any longer term relationship. So that’s fine if you’re buying a car once every few years, but it may have greater ramifications if you are trying to build a business relationship, or may find yourself heavily punished if in a future negotiation you find yourself with a weaker negotiating position. I would never be afraid of showing genuine emotion within negotiation or a mediation, in showing the other party how you really feel, but research indicates that it is best to control your anger, as it could risk inflicting longer term harm, what ever the short term outcome. Comments are closed.
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AuthorRichard Marshall is an Accredited Civil and Commercial Mediator with over 25 years experience as a Litigation Solicitor, as well as being a qualified Solicitor-Advocate. He is the founder of Striving to Settle, through which he works as a mediator and provides negotiation training. www.strivingtosettle.co.uk Archives
August 2022
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