So you’ve seen the photo before you. Did you think the dress was white and gold, or blue and black? How did you feel when friends, family and colleagues saw a different colour? It was infuriating, wasn’t it? You were convinced of the colour of the dress, other people explicitly said it was a different colour. What we're looking at is a Bistable Image. And our brains warp reality to deal with it. That’s one where there are two possible interpretations, there is an ambiguity that cannot be reconciled without further information.
But our brains hate uncertainty and ambiguity. When presented with that scenario our brains will insert sufficient information to remove the ambiguity and give certainty. It makes it up and then sells us the finished article as fact “That’s what you’re seeing, that’s reality”. Now think of a dispute where the facts are such that neither party can have total certainty. Both are only privy to some of the information. It’s not a surprise to find that our brains start to fill in the rest. Our brains tell us that the conclusion is absolute, that there's no room for doubt. So how infuriating when someone else, someone we’re in conflict with, comes to a different conclusion and is as adamant as we are. That’s what often presents it’s up to me as mediator. Both sides think they’re right. Neither side can see the other side's point of view. On many occasions they accuse the other side of lying. Take a boundary dispute. One side can clearly see how the evidence and information shows where the boundary should be and they cannot understand how the other side can take the same information and place it in a different position. Sometimes that difference is exacerbated by which side of the boundary you’re viewing it from. Whichever way, as a mediator I need to deal with both parties' absolute view of the dispute. Open them up to the fact that there is more than one way to see this, open their eyes to a world of possibilities that their brain is currently shielding them from. And in the same way we find out that there are two ways to view the dress, so that knowledge helps the parties to stop viewing each other with distrust. Slowly they arrive at a place that does not contain absolute certainties. And, as I often drop into the conversation, therefore a Judge could view it in either of those ways. Their day in Court might not be as they’ve imagined it, where the Judge declares their neighbour a liar and a charlatan. There are risks and uncertainty. Then the magic happens. I start to talk about ways that we can remove that uncertainty, that ambiguity about the outcome. Reaching a settlement that brings them certainty, something their brains love. And, out of interest, what colour is the dress? And at the time how certain were you that it was that one colour and nothing else? Comments are closed.
|
Subscribe (below) to our free Newsletter for Negotiation Tips, Tricks and Training
AuthorRichard Marshall is an Accredited Civil and Commercial Mediator with over 25 years experience as a Litigation Solicitor, as well as being a qualified Solicitor-Advocate. He is the founder of Striving to Settle, through which he works as a mediator and provides negotiation training. www.strivingtosettle.co.uk Archives
August 2022
|
Your subscription could not be saved. Please try again.
Your subscription has been successful.