We all know how random the result is in Heads and Tails, we know the outcome is not something we can influence or predict with any certainty beyond knowing it will be one of two results. And therefore I’m sure we’d all find it hard to think that a flip of a coin could make us feel more or less warmly towards someone - purely because of whether a coin landed heads or tails. But that’s what research has found. Henri Tajfel, a British social psychologist, took a group of random people who were split into two groups based on the flip of a coin. Despite no pre-existing knowledge of each other, when asked to rate the people in the room, participants preferred the members of their own group, and rated them as more likely to have pleasant personalities.
Yes, we’re that fickle! So in any negotiation, it’s highly likely that you will ascribe intentions and characteristics to the other side that they will in turn also ascribe to you. What’s to be done? There are several ways in a negotiation or within a mediation that we can try to break out of the natural groupings that we impose on the world. Talk. It is surprising how often the very act of talking with someone, just making appropriate small talk, getting to know something about them, and letting them learn something about us, can break down the ‘Us and Them’. Just a phone call can mean the other party may read your letters or emails with a greater understanding, as they will hear your voice and intentions rather than the ones that they may invent. Keep things civil. It seems obvious but more deals are struck and more settlements reached if people are not starting an argument. And, at a lower level, any interaction that is less than civil risks proving to the other party all of the pre-conceptions they may have. This is known as the confirmation bias - that we look for information that confirms what we already think or believe to be the case. Find common ground. If that is being from the same industry, town or even liking the same team, find something that builds commonality. We, not you. Avoid using ‘you’ that reinforces ‘Us and Them’ thinking. Find ways of being able to use ‘we’ or ‘us’, such as ‘it is incumbent on us to work out a solution to save everyone a great deal of time and money’ - you may not be able to use a coin to do it, but use your words to help form a group. These along with many other skills are used by mediators to connect and build rapport with each side, to move them away from the ‘Us and Them’, get everyone to a place where the parties can start to see interests, rather than positions, and concentrate on reaching a settlement that helps satisfy those interests. Comments are closed.
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AuthorRichard Marshall is an Accredited Civil and Commercial Mediator with over 25 years experience as a Litigation Solicitor, as well as being a qualified Solicitor-Advocate. He is the founder of Striving to Settle, through which he works as a mediator and provides negotiation training. www.strivingtosettle.co.uk Archives
August 2022
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